Good mothers go an extra mile for their children. This time on #ParentingYard we discuss a crucial but very important topic – Mothers, don’t use your kids as an excuse to stay in an unhealthy relationship. It is not good for you and not good for the children.
It’s often said parents, especially mothers choose to stay in unhappy and unhealthy marriages for the sake of their children. Well, let me tell you now, if you’re unhappy in your relationship, let it go. Don’t use your child/children as an excuse to stay.
Back in the olden days, most parents couldn’t do anything about their unhappy marriages no matter how difficult things got. It was all about strong women keeping their families together. Some stayed because they believed they had nowhere else to go. No education, no career and no job. All one knew was to be a good wife, a mother and raise children. They did what they thought was the right thing to do because they didn’t know any better. I am happy that those stone age days are ‘over’.
In this century we live in, we have choices. Choices that allow you to show your strength as a Mother raising future leaders without settling for a male figure just for the sake of the children. I personally believe, any woman that still uses children to stomach the stress in an unhealthy relationship is a woman that has insecurities within herself, it has absolutely nothing to with the kids. Most of us women today worry about what the world thinks of us. We get into relationships for the world. We get married for the world. We have children for the world and we stay in unhappy marriages for the world.
When will it be about you? Act now! Look around you, are you happy in that marriage/relationship that you have with the father of your child? Do you have to be crying yourself to sleep under the same roof with a man who is the reason for those tears?
We say ‘it is for the kids’. How good is that? Children can sense when things are not ok in their environment. Those emotional scars you keep adding to the kids’ lives will create a miserable life for them as they get older. Those visuals of your tears, your sad face, and your unending arguments will stick with them for as long as they live.
I am a mother to a 13year old and I went through my own insecurities when things took a turn after my daughter was born. Should I go or should I stay in this mess that has been created by someone else? Should I fight for what I believe is mine and not walk away from the family I have been building? Those were the questions that I kept on asking myself for a couple of months. I was a breast feeding mother and I was advised not to breast feed at all if ever I was feeling angry, bitter or emotional because all that negative energy would be transferred to my baby. Luckily I had introduced the bottle to my baby the day she was born because for a couple of days no milk was coming out of my breasts. Anyway, I continued giving her the bottle whenever I was not myself, which was becoming a norm until that one day I realised I was being unfair to my innocent child. She deserved good healthy breast milk, she deserved a mother that would show her genuine love and not a fake smile. I told myself if I don’t close this door once and for all, I am going to lose my child and I’m going to lose myself. I acted!
Mothers, you are not doing anyone favours by sticking around unhealthy domestic situations, not even those children you love dearly. You are causing more harm than good. Let it all go and divert your love, time, energy and prayers to those children. You say you’re staying for the sake of your children right? How about you leave for the sake of your children? It’s not an easy decision, I agree but it sure can be done. Forget those that were at your wedding. Forget those family elders that are telling you to hold on because what you’re going through is normal. Forget those in your circle that are keeping up a facade and are putting pressure on you to stay in your unhealthy relationship because you are part of their clique. It’s about you making choices that are best for yourself and your children. Staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship for the sake of the kids, or whatever excuse you choose to use is not an option. Act now, for the love of your children.
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